Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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