We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
