I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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