I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize