Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
