everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
