Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
