I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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