I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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