were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
