you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
