All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
