I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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