I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
false alarm. still invincible.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
