watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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