hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
