Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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