and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
