somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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