Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
