My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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