I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You smell like stripper and shame
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
