I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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