This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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