it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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