I am in a vortex of obligation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
