I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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