If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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