ya dads aren't the best wingmen
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
