there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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