oh god the rape fog is back!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
