I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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