Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize