Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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