people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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