he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
