Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
