She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
