There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
