Whod you bang
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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