I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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