my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
