Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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