apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
