did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
