the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
