I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
