You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
