Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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