at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
