Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
