do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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