Duck Duck Cougar?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
