good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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