Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
