Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
