3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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