We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love you.
Bad choice
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
