I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
