how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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