u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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