I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You are the jesus of drinking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
