Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
