I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
