woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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