apparently the secret to your success is patron
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
