Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
