You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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