I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
