I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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