dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
