u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
