I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
