I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
