I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
