make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
