Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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