32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
