i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
