you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
